Raising Kids While Rethinking Your Faith: You’re Not Doing It Wrong
Written by David Herrin
Parenting is hard enough without the added weight of a faith transition. For many parents, the moment they start rethinking their spiritual framework, an extra layer of worry sets in: Am I messing up my kids?
If you’ve found yourself questioning the beliefs you once taught so confidently, it’s natural to feel disoriented. But here’s the truth – you’re not doing it wrong. Parenting through a faith shift can actually create deeper honesty, healthier connections, and a model of integrity your kids will carry for life.
The Disorientation Is Normal
When belief systems provided a “script,” you didn’t have to wonder what to teach or how to guide. Now, without that script, the uncertainty can feel overwhelming. Our brains don’t naturally like change or uncertainty; they like efficiency. Simplicity. Ultimately, survival. You may ask yourself some “what-ifs”:
- What if I confuse my kids?
- What if I don’t give them enough structure?
- What if they resent me later?
These questions don’t mean you’re failing; they mean you care deeply about your role. The anxiety of “not knowing” is part of the growth process, for both you and your children. It can prompt deeper searching and meaning.
Shifting From Certainty to Curiosity
Rigid certainty can feel safe, but it can also limit honest exploration. Parenting during a faith transition often means replacing certainty with curiosity. Instead of telling kids what to think, you’re teaching how to think, how to ask:
- What do you think?
- How does this feel to you?
- What matters most to you right now?
Curiosity doesn’t weaken your parenting; it strengthens it by teaching your children to trust their own developing voice, to think critically, to explore life and their spirituality.
Modeling Integrity in Real Time
Your kids don’t need perfect answers (often, perfect answers don’t exist!). They need to see you live with honesty. Saying, “I don’t know, but I’m still learning,” shows them that growth never stops. It also reassures them that faith – and life – are not about performing for approval, but about showing up authentically.
This kind of modeling is powerful. It teaches children that:
- Questions are not threats
- Feelings are safe to express
- Belonging isn’t based on sameness
Ongoing Conversations
One time, about 15 years ago, I was driving to the grocery store with my kids in tow when my then-6-year-old son asked me,
“Dad, where does God get powers from?”
I was a little floored in the moment, wondering where that question came from, and wasn’t sure how to answer it for fear of offering an answer to some deep doctrine for which I had no solid backing, just speculation. Where does God get power from? Is it an innate quality? Self-sustaining, independent of any other source? Is it drawn from the glory given and the belief of worshippers? At the time, I didn’t know where to start. So I paused and asked,
“Well, good question. Where do you think that power comes from?”
Not even skipping a beat, he said,
“I know. The power station!”
Some of the most meaningful conversations I’ve ever had with my kids have been mostly centered around questions, not answers. Questions leading to questions leading to thinking leading to expansion. Not from a script or manual. Is there anything wrong with acquiring content from scriptural texts or inspiring books? Not inherently, no. But how many times do teens want to listen to you read from a lesson manual during family night, rather than have a real-life discussion that applies to their daily lives?
Sometimes, a short conversation on a drive to school, a walk in the neighborhood, or at dinner can yield more spiritually-strengthening outcomes than a structured lecture. These conversations can be salient to the situation of the child, what they are currently dealing with, and principle or values-based rather than focused on fixing, exactness, or certainty.
Parenting for Connection, Not Perfection
A faith transition can be unsettling, but it can also strip away unhealthy pressure. You no longer need to “get it all right.” What matters most is connection:
- Creating safety in your home
- Offering unconditional love
- Repairing when conflict arises
- Showing up, even in uncertainty
Children thrive on the consistency of your love more than the consistency of doctrine.
Final Thought
Raising kids while rethinking your faith may feel messy, but it’s not wrong; it’s deeply human. Your willingness to parent from a place of honesty and evolving integrity can help your children grow into more compassionate, resilient, and authentic adults.
👉 For more resources on parenting through faith transitions, visit our Parenting & Relationships Through Faith Shifts library for podcast episodes, guides, and tools.
