Let’s Teach Dissent: Normalizing Disagreement in Church

Written by: David Herrin

In many church communities, “unity” is often mistaken for uniformity. We’re taught—explicitly or implicitly—that harmony means everyone agrees, that questioning is dangerous, and that dissent disrupts the Spirit. But what if the opposite is true?

What if teaching people how to respectfully disagree—in church classes, leadership councils, family gatherings, and even from the pulpit—could actually deepen trust, build integrity, and make space for the Spirit of growth?Let’s imagine a more robust vision of belonging—one where disagreement isn’t a threat, but a sacred opportunity to become more honest, more aware, and more connected.

We’ve Been Taught That Dissent = Disrespect

Many high-demand religious traditions, including the LDS Church, socialize members into patterns of conflict avoidance, authority deference, and group cohesion at all costs. These dynamics are especially pronounced regarding power structures, such as priesthood authority, gender roles, or patriarchal decision-making.

We learn that:

• “Sustaining” means silence.
  
• “The Spirit left the room” means someone disagreed.
  
• “Faith” means not rocking the boat.
  

But suppressing dissent doesn’t lead to harmony—it leads to resentment, mistrust, and internal dissonance. And it teaches people (especially women, queer folks, and anyone who differs) that their inner knowing must be sacrificed in order to belong.

Without Dissent, Dissatisfaction is Likely

Podcast episode 15, titled “Dissent as Fundamental to Consent,” explores the complex relationship between consent and dissent within religious contexts. Valerie challenges the desire for an overly simplistic, “fast-food-like” religion where critical thought is absent and multiple perspectives are discouraged. Instead, she argues that dissent is not only permissible but essential for individuals and faith communities to genuinely connect with the divine, drawing insights from the book “The Sanctity of Dissent” by Paul J. Toscano. The episode, part of a larger series, encourages listeners to consider the value of questioning and independent thought as a path to deeper faith, contrasting this with the temptation to blindly accept pre-digested beliefs. Ultimately, it promotes the idea that true spiritual growth often emerges from thoughtful disagreement rather than unquestioning adherence. Dissent does not hinder but rather contributes to authentic faith and community connection.

Dissent Has Been Studied for More Than Five Decades

In 1970, German economist and political scientist Albert Hirschman’s Exit, Voice, and Loyalty framework (https://a.co/d/h4xK3qW), later expanded with Neglect, explains how people respond to dissatisfaction in relationships, jobs, organizations, and institutions (including faith-based settings). The four options are: Exit (leaving altogether, such as quitting a job or ending a relationship), Voice (expressing discontent to push for change), Loyalty (staying despite dissatisfaction, hoping things improve), and Neglect (remaining but withdrawing effort, allowing further decline). Each choice carries costs and consequences – exit can drain a group of its most capable members, while voice can create conflict but also spark positive change; loyalty maintains stability but risks passivity, and neglect accelerates deterioration.

Research shows that which path someone takes depends on factors such as costs, prior satisfaction, belief in improvement, alternatives available, locus of control, and personal values/commitment. For instance, people with an internal locus of control often favor exit or voice, while those with an external locus lean toward loyalty or neglect. The framework is powerful because it applies across contexts—from consumer behavior to marriages, workplaces, schools, and faith communities—and helps explain why some groups decline while others recover.

Dissent Is a Form of Integrity

When someone speaks up to say, “I see this differently,” they are not being divisive. They’re being honest.

And honesty is the foundation of both spiritual maturity and healthy community.

Teaching dissent in church spaces—modeling it, inviting it, and holding it without retribution—can help us:

• Build authentic trust instead of shallow agreement
  
• Show kids and youth that their voices matter
  
• Interrupt abusive or exclusionary systems
  
• Refine doctrine through real-life wisdom and lived experience
  
• Help members distinguish between divine truth and human error

What Teaching Dissent Can Look Like

Creating space for disagreement doesn’t mean chaos. It means intentional culture change. It means moving from punitive models of compliance to relational models of mutual respect.

Some examples:

• A Sunday School teacher saying, “You might disagree, and that’s okay—let’s talk about it.”
  
• A bishopric member asking, “Whose perspective is missing here?”
  
• A Relief Society president saying, “If this teaching doesn’t resonate with your lived experience, I’d love to hear more.”
  
• A parent validating their teen’s question without rushing to solve it.
  

These moments aren’t threats to the gospel—they are the work of the gospel: growing in compassion, truth, and discernment.

Personal Anecdote

I still remember sitting in a Sunday School class when a teacher shared a perspective on gender roles that didn’t sit right with me. My heart started racing. I knew what I wanted to say, but I also knew the unspoken rule: “good” members don’t disrupt the flow.

For years, I had equated dissent with disrespect. I’d been taught that raising a hand to disagree meant the Spirit would leave the room, or that I was being “contentious.” But in that moment, something in me felt stronger than the fear of disapproval – I didn’t want my silence to be mistaken for agreement.

So I raised my hand and said gently, “I see this differently. My experience has taught me something else.”

The room went quiet. My body tensed, waiting for the backlash. But instead of anger, something surprising happened: people leaned in. A few nodded. After class, one woman whispered, “Thank you—I’ve felt that too, but I never knew if I could say it out loud.”

That moment changed me. I realized that disagreement doesn’t drive the Spirit away—it often creates space for it. Dissent didn’t fracture our community that day. If anything, it deepened trust, because someone risked telling the truth.

Since then, I’ve learned that staying silent for the sake of “harmony” can actually harm relationships, because it trades honesty for approval. But voicing dissent—with compassion and humility—can be a profoundly faithful act.

Disagreement Is Not the Enemy of Belonging—Shame Is

Many people (especially those navigating a faith transition) feel that in order to survive church, they must become smaller, quieter, or more agreeable. But this isn’t sustainable—or spiritually honest.

The goal isn’t to fight every battle or argue every point. The goal is to be in relationship with integrity.

To say:

“I can disagree with you and still love you. I can dissent and still belong.”

And that is a radically faithful way to show up.

Ready to Reclaim Your Voice?

If you’re deconstructing inherited ideas about power, obedience, and voice—and longing for a more equitable way to belong in spiritual spaces—we’ve created resources just for you.

Explore our resource downloads in the Patriarchy, Power & Gender Roles section of our Resources Library. You’ll find guided tools to help you:

• Practice self-trust in decision-making
  
• Co-create mutual respect in relationships
  
• Teach consent and equity to your kids
  
• Undo internalized binaries and shame cycles
  

These resources are free, downloadable, and designed to support your growth—whether you’re staying, leaving, or somewhere in between.

Disagreement Doesn’t Destroy Faith—It Deepens It

Let’s build church cultures where people can be real with each other. Where disagreement isn’t a danger, but a sign that people care enough to wrestle with hard things.

Let’s teach dissent—not as rebellion, but as reverence for truth.

Resources

Hamaker, V. (2022). Latter Day Struggles Podcast, Episode 15: Dissent as Fundamental to Consent, a five-part series called “The Sanctity of Dissent.” https://open.spotify.com/episode/2nZPrgg9kbvzzuFtKXEKAT?si=b8c907943b384dc7

Hirschman, A. (1970). Exit, Voice, and Loyalty: Responses to Decline in Firms, Organizations, and States. Harvard University Press. https://a.co/d/h4xK3qW

Toscano, P. (1994). The Sanctity of Dissent. Signature Books.

Withey, M. J., & Cooper, W. H. (1989). Predicting Exit, Voice, Loyalty, And Neglect. Administrative Science Quarterly, 34(4), 521. https://library.capella.edu/login?url=https://www.proquest.com/scholarly-journals/predicting-exit-voice-loyalty-neglect/docview/203939744/se-2